OMG VOTEZ LOL!
Meritory: It's that time folks: you're gonna have to once again submit information to the government so they can collectively decide what they're going to do with all that money they've got! Well, specifically the Californian State Government. You know what I'm talking about: the fall voting ballot! Well, perhaps you are not even aware that this is a democracy, but hopefully you will infer that as you read my article.
So, for your enjoyment, I will spend some time explaining my opinion on each of the propositions on this very regular, very reoccuring California Fall Ballot!
Proposition 1A
"Protects transportation funding for traffic congestion relief projects, safety improvements, and local streets and roads. Prohibits the state sales tax on motor vehicle fuels from being used for any purpose other than transportation improvements. Authorizes loans of these funds only in the case of severe state fiscal hardship. Requires loans of revenues from states sales tax on motor vehicle fuels to be fully repaid with the three years. Restricts loans to no more than twice in any 10-year period. (Put on the ballot by the Legislature)"
Meritory: Good thinking! All we need in California is more of an incentive to drive privately owned automobiles. With the decaying public transporation system, owning a car is all we have to look forward to, anyway. Well, at least until we are hit with even more extreme environmental issues; then, we will all be riding bikes. It's utopia for me, but I hope we don't have to fuck up to realize that cycling is a wonderful and extremely useful activity.
Proposition 1B
"This act makes safety improvements and repairs to state highways, upgrades freeways to reduce congestion, repairs local streets and roads, upgrades highways along major transportation corridors, improves seismic safety of local bridges, expands public transit, helps complete the state's network of car pool lanes, reduces air pollution, and improves anti-terrorism security at shipping ports by providing for a bond issue not to exceed nineteen billion nine hundred twenty-five million dollars ($19,925,000,000). (Put on the ballot by the Legislature)"
Meritory: For the most part this is exactly what I am looking for. I'd love to see improvements on roads, yes, but not as necessary as making sure people aren't being wasteful automobile morons. I also like the quick insert for anti-terrorism action. Bush is probably creaming in his pants about that one (or not, depending what you think Bush's agenda is really about).
Proposition 1C
"For the purpose of providing shelters for battered women and their children, clean and safe housing for low-income senior citizens; homeownership assistance for the disabled, military veterans, and working families; and repairs and accessibility improvements to apartments for families and disabled citizens, the state shall issue bonds totaling two billion eight hundred fifty million dollars ($2,850,000,000) paid from existing state funds at an average annual cost of two hundred and four million dollars ($204,000,000) per year over the 30 year life of the bonds. Requires reporting and publication of annual independent audited reports showing use of funds, and limits administration and overhead costs. (Put on the ballot by the Legislature)"
Meritory: Great, because honestly I feel it is necessary for us to be taking care of the people who got their asses kicked by the societal cogs.
Lieutenant Dr Professor-Detective Montgomery Johnson: Bullshit, Meritory. These assholes don't deserve shit for shit. Look at them. They've all failed society in one way or another!
Meritory: How is that?
LDPDMJ: Well low-income seniors have just spent all their life lazing off and should not be rewarded with more laziness! Damnit, and disabled people are disabled for a reason; so they can't leech off of our society! Working families, keep those bastards working. Veterans need to get over their stupid excuse for shell-shock; when I was in WWII, I wasn't god damned complaining about nothin'. I was glad I was fucking alive. Ever since Vietnam, American soldiers have been pussies!
Meritory: I'm not even going to ask what you think about battered women. Next!
Proposition 1D
"This ten billion four hundred sixteen million dollar ($10,416,000,000) bond issue will provide needed funding to relieve public school overcrowding and to repair older schools. It will improve earthquake safety and fund vocational educational facilities in public schools. Bond funds must be spent according to strict accountability measures. Funds will also be used to repair and upgrade existing public college and university buildings and to build new classrooms to accommodate the growing student enrollment in the California Community Colleges, the University of California, and the California State University. (Put on the ballot by the Legislature)"
Meritory: What!? I've been remotely mentioned in California Government Legislature! Woo Hoo! I'd love to have new classrooms and buildings here at San Jose State--possibly some
green buildings. Just please give us something, California!
Proposition 1E
"This act rebuilds and repairs California's most vulnerable flood control structures to protect homes and prevent loss of life from flood-related disasters, including levee failures, flash floods, and mudslides; it protects California's drinking water supply system by rebuilding delta levees that are vulnerable to earthquakes and storms; by authorizing a $4.09 billion dollar bond act. (Put on the ballot by the Legislature)"
Lietenant Dr Professor-Detective Montgomery Johnson: Oh for chrissake! Like it matters, we'll be melting the icecaps before this will stop shit.
Meritory: Hey, Montgomery, I didn't know you believed Global Warming existed.
LDPDMJ: Duh, I'm a pessimist you fucking hippie-liberal.
Proposition 83
"Increases penalties for violent and habitual sex offenders and child molesters. Prohibits residence near schools and parks. Requires Global Positioning System monitoring of registered sex offenders. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures."
Meritory: Okay, so if you're a sex offender, vote against this law. This is almost like what I could see the Patriot Act being in a few years.
Proposition 84
"Funds water, flood control, natural resources, park and conservation projects by authorizing $5,388,000,000 in general obligation bonds. Emergency drinking water safety provisions. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures."
Meritory: Oh shit, our water supply in California is running out! Preemptive strike! Preemptive strike, NOW!
Proposition 85
"Amends California Constitution prohibiting abortion for unemancipated minor until 48 hours after physician notifies minor's parent/guardian, except in medical emergency or with parental waiver. Mandates reporting requirements. Authorizes monetary damages against physicians for violation. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures."
Lietuenant Dr Professor-Detective Montgomery Johnson: Hah, like that's going to stop irresponsible teenagers from making irresponsible decisions. No dumb hippie kid is going to listen to the government, since they already don't listen to their parents. All that dope they're snuffing is going straight to their brain faster than they'll realize this bill even exists.
Meritory: I actually agree with you, Montgomery. I had a discussion about this somewhere during my High School years with some adults and other students. I think the general discussion was how to facilitate a healthy system in which a teenager both loses the vapid desire to fuck each other irresponsibly, but also has a decent option of saving themselves from years of stress. I think my point was that if teenagers were not allowed to have abortions without their parents knowing, they may be pressured into having secretly performed abortions, most of which are done less professionally. Parents must realize the effect their anger can have on their child, especially if they're a pathetic parent in general.
Proposition 86
"Imposes additional $2.60 per pack excise tax on cigarettes and indireclty increases taxes on other tobacco products. Provides funding for various health programs, children's health coverage, and tobacco-related programs. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures."
Meritory: As an occasional cigarette smoker and friend of many other cigarette smokers, I must say this is a depressing law. I love how the government thinks people will stop smoking if it costs too much. All I have to say is: look at New York and tell me if they've stopped smoking yet? (No, you dumbasses, they have not! In fact, smoking must be much more accepted in that city than almost anywhere in California. Idiots.)
Lietenant Dr Professor-Detective Montgomery Johnson: MY CIGARETTES!
Proposition 87
"Establishes $4 billion program to reduce petroleum consumption through incentives for alternative energy, education and training. Funded by tax on California oil producers. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures."
Meritory: Like, er, maybe a better public transportation system?
Lietenant Dr Professor-Detective Montgomery Johnson: MORE CARS!
Proposition 88
"Imposes $50 tax on each real property parcel to provide additional public school funding for kindergarten through grade 12. Exempts certain elderly, disabled homeowners from tax. Use of funds restricted to specific educational purposes. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures"
Meritory: It sounds good in theory, but it is so loosely stated. I must look into the specifics.
Proposition 89
"Provides that eligible candidates for state elective office may receive public campaign funding. Increases tax on corporations and financial institutions by 0.2 percent to fund program. Imposes new campaign contribution/expenditure limits. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures."
Meritory: Ah, my gem. I like to hear that California may some day have non-rich bastards running for office.
LDPDMJ: What are you talking about!? It's fiscally important to have someone who has money in charge of a state with a lot of money! You liberals wouldn't understand. Not only that, but fund raising is an important issue and proves that a candidate is really worth the campaign they're building. If just any asshole could get money for an election, California would be more than just a liberal state
in theory!Meritory: Well I do realize more "liberal" people will run for office if Clean Money is passed, but there is fund raising involved. You need an excessive amount of 5 dollar contributions, and you also need a shitload of signatures to prove that people actually want you in office. And with clean money, even
you could run for Political Office in California, Montgomery!
LDPDMJ: I can? Wait, no! Don't dare trick me, you evil scum!
Meritory: Hahahaha!
Proposition 90
"Bars state/local governments from condemning or damaging private property to promote other private projects, uses. Limits government's authority to adopt certain land use, housing, consumer, environmental, workplace laws/regulations. Put on the Ballot by Petition Signatures."
Meritory: I don't know what this means, precisely, but I assume it means that bulldozer with "California Government" written on the side of it won't be waiting outside of Montgomery's house anymore.
LDPDMJ: What bulldozer? WHAT BULLDOZER?
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Meritory: And so that's it folks. If you vote, vote with confidence. Hopefully my slight sarcasm and pathetic wit tainted your decision making process enough to make you actually vote on a basis of knowledge instead of playing eanie-meanie-meiney-moe at the polls. Take care and have a good day!
