Montgomery Johnson

Failure Detective

Episode 20

SAGGING ARTICLE

Do you know what is devastating?

Well of course you don't, prick; otherwise I would not have to tell you any of this.

Well?

Stupid people exist!

And do you what is even worse than that?

When they talk!

Dumbest Article About Sagging

Holy crap, I cannot believe a woman could possibly feel the need to ever critique a man's appearance. Does this woman even know why she is critiquing it?

As a supporter of sagging*, I believe that it is important that men are allowed to do as they like within the laws that men prescribe to one another. It is a matter of obtaining and maintaining manliness that keeps our world going. All women have clearly had little contribution to the well-being of the human race besides providing wombs to harvest fetuses into children and an occasional sponge bath, which makes all of their pointless bickering about male attitudes a complete waste of time.

So, I must say that my argument is quite simple: women should not fear sagging because they don't understand what sagging is, they don't understand how to see beyond their own perspectives, and they shouldn't be talking about how men act anyway.

Sagging is an artform that is reflective of one's artistic notion to be deviant and thoughtful at the same time. Sagging can be used as an indicator of mood, personality, or even current events. For example, if the revealing boxers are hearts, it may mean that he is a soft-spirited young gentleman who is quite open to share his soft side (and his hard side). If the pants are dropped too low, it could mean he is looking for a female to take him by surprise and open for some fun-lovin'. If only some of the boxers are showing, he is not interesting in any liasons at the time, but still thoughtful enough to share a little bit. (Figure A). Women do not seem to understand this, especially this stupid broad who wrote the article. Gah!



So, to investigate why women never seem to understand the man's point of view I went out to interview individual females on their opinions of sagging and its effects on society.

Lietenant Dr Professor-Detective Montgomery Johnson: What is sagging?
Woman 1: I dunno, your skin?

SEE WHAT I MEAN? They don't know anything and my skin is not sagging either. These women have the dumbest ideas.

LDPDMJ: Why do you think men choose to sag their pants?
Woman 2: Uhhh, to look cool?

NO, YOU STUPID FEMALE! If they could only consider the plethora of usage possibilities for sagging then maybe they wouldn't assume such a ridiculous idea.

LDPDMJ: If you chose to sag and other women commented poorly on how you dressed, what would you do?
Woman 3: Well, I would never sag, so I don't know.

YOU ARE SO CLOSE-MINDED! What the hell is your problem, bitch?! Start putting yourself in other peoples' shoes, okay?

I don't even have to show any more of my empirical evidence to make my point. Women just simply cannot comprehend alternate modes of thinking, especially the thinking of men!



Still, Women should not even be commenting on how men act, anyway. I mean with all of the ridiculous things women do to express themselves, like wear revealing shirts so we can see their nipples and dancing, how can they possibly give men crap for sagging, a multi-faceted artform? I am appauled and I hope that, upon reading this argument, that the writer of the original article repeals her statements and banishes herself from existence. That'll teach her.

-Lieutenant Dr Professor-Detective Montgomery Johnson



* You are saying: "How the hell can Montgomery Johnson approve of such a lewd and outright disgusting trend?". Well, read the rest of the fucking article and maybe you'll fucking know!

Pictures:
Picture 1
Picture 2
Picture 3

Myspace Users Can = Terrorism!!!

Link to Article

This girl happened to write "kill bush" on her myspace in obvious retaliation of the government's current status as an "evil regime." Well, at least this is her own opinion and truly she has the right to express this due to one solid thing: freedom of speech.

You see, I love to hear wisecrack conservative responses to liberal battle-cries. For example: "Stop complaining about your government. If you don't like it, move to another country"; "You're not allowed to hate your president"; and "if it's not broke, don't fix it". Yet, all of these are in vain since the freedom of speech is a protected and celebrated right among the American people.

I realize that it is scary when you're the President and not just terrorists want to kill you, but also a little girl from California. Obviously, if you cannot find the terrorists to pick on, you must focus your efforts on the latter...